Gretchen Says: An Indefinite Number of Commandments

Bring cookies to your office. People will eat any damn thing and love you for it.

Another Paltry Effort by Mother Nature

It snowed again last night. Nice try, Mother Nature. Work wasn't even delayed. It wasn't even liberal leave for crying out loud.

I am framed to perfection by this fence. But then again, I am always perfection.



I will give her props for the blue sky, though. It made for a lovely morning. As you can see, people in DC do not take the whole shoveling of the sidewalk thing very seriously.



The snow was dry and powdery and soft. It melted instantaneously in your hand and wasn't even cold. It was inviting so I made a snow angel.



Just kidding. Of course it doesn't take snow to make me an angel. I qualify for all heavenly forms--deity, goddess, angel, what have you.

Kiss Me, I'm Austinian-Brazilian

A journey of a thousand miles...



begins with being stuffed into a mailing tube.



I went to Austin, Texas this weekend for Carnaval.



Well, I did not actually attend Carnaval. While I condone vulgarity, I am too classy to actually engage in it (my acolyte, on the other hand? not above it). I was there for the food.

You may not be aware that I am quite the gourmande. Rest assured, I am. It's one of the perks of being omniscient. I am also an oenophile. As well as knowing everything there is to know about the history of the awl. If you ever get the chance to become omniscient, I highly recommend it.

Anyway, as I said, I was there for the food. The Tex-Mex offerings in the DC area are paltry and pallid and sometimes putrid. The Grill-Whose- Name-I-Shall-Not-Speak in particular makes a mockery of the culinary delights that can be had in any number of Tex-Mex joints in Austin and the poor East coast souls are duped and know no better. The one little place I found that had decent--even good--Tex-Mex was Leon's Steak and Grill on King Street in Old Town Alexandria, and it appears to have gone out of business. A moment of silence please.

For brunch on Sunday before boarding the plane I bestowed my presence upon Kerbey Lane (the south location).



In Austin, not only can you get good Tex-Mex, you can get good miscellaneous food alongside Tex-Mex, and you can get it all 24 hours a day at multiple locations. Magnolia Grill is also open 24 hours, but I think Kerbey Lane has superior food. Scratch that, I know Kerbey Lane has better food. Why? Because I'm omniscient.

I started with a bowl of Kerbey Queso. This is not pasteurized process cheese food with tomatoes canned with chilis. This is real queso, made with real cheese and real salsa and topped with a scoop of real guacamole. To die for. After much pondering of the breakfast foods section of the menu



(NB, breakfast available all day) I decided on the Paris Texas Platter, which is French toast and migas. Migas are eggs scrambled with vegetables, cheese, and crushed up tortilla chips or torn up corn tortillas, then topped with salsa. Something about egg and corn chips is magical. It sounds weird, but really, try it. That's an order.

I had salsa verde, an indulgence I would not attempt anywhere within 800 miles of DC. Tomatillos seem to be beyond the culinary comprehension of this area. I must sadly report that the French toast was not great; it was more like bread than bread soaked in egg. But it was liberally sprinkled with cinnamon and provisioned with syrup so I managed to choke some down.





Before (note the $3 mimosa)











After
















After brunch I bid a fond farewell to Tory, my hostess.



I was stuffed. But the Austin airport is, like the rest of Austin, cool and awesome. Rather than your usual ARAmark food(like) service, they have local restaurants, which are required to charge the same price in the aiport as in their off-airport locations. And also have live music and a real bookstore. One of those locals is Amy's Ice Cream (though the servers at the airport location do not wear hats as crazy hats as the servers at the location on Drag, nor do they toss the ice cream long distances into the cup and never miss).



I had to do it. Alas, the camera ran out of batteries before my acolyte could photograph the creamy deliciousness of my chocolate-covered strawberry ice cream. But no photograph can convey the difference between real ice cream and ice cream packed in a cardboard carton and shipped for hundreds of miles. If you ever find yourself in Austin, I will give you leeway in your choice of Tex-Mex restaurants, because there are many good ones, but I command thee to go to Amy's and have yourself some real ice cream.



Migas

1 egg
3 tbsp milk
Diced vegetables of your choice, such as spinach, mushrooms, and red bell pepper
Corn Chips, crushed
Shredded cheese
Salsa (for those without access to fresh salsa, Herdez salsa verde is quite good, and their red salsa fairly good)

Heat a pan over medium heat. Whisk the egg and milk together until
thoroughly blended. Saute mushrooms and bell pepper (if using) for a
few minutes, until bell pepper begins to soften and mushrooms begin to
give up their juice. If the pan is not nonstick, oil it and pour on the
egg. Cook for about 3 minutes until the egg is 2 or 3 minutes from
being done. Stir in the crushed corn chips. When egg is almost done
top with shredded cheese and put a lid over the pan to help the cheese
melt.

Remove from heat. Put on plate and top with salsa. Eat with more chips
or with tortillas, or just with a fork.

Snow Falls, But How Much? Film at Eleven.

We got our first snow of the season yesterday. It looked more impressive last night, but going outside to take pictures would have required me to leave the comfort and adulation of the Kingdom of the Heaven of Unit Six and my acolyte to change out of the pajamas she'd been wearing all day. Let's be honest, she had been wearing them all weekend.

So this morning I walked to work with my acolyte to check out the snowfall. I would have preferred to ride on a litter, but mostly I was in her coat pocket. At one point I was indecorously sprayed by a salt truck. Life is rough when you leave the Kingdom of the Heaven of Unit Six.

Here I am looking coy by some wood pylons.


It may appear that this holly bush is attacking me, but it is actually offering me shelter and love.


Obligatory shot of the Capitol with its nearly imperceptible mantle of snow. (And yes, that street sign does say "G Unit.")


From my vantage point in this tree I can survey my territory and my minions.


This fence looks a bit like a cathedral. A cathedral to me.


All the fences and bare tree limbs make this look like layers of delicate bones assembled in a museum.


The ice makes these berries shiny. That's what I like to see.


I bless this plant with greenness.


And I minister to these poor cold and forlorn pansies.


I visited the embassy of Zimbabwe.


And the fountain in DuPont Circle, which was quite a popular photo spot. I had to wait in line. I could have smited my way to the front of the line, but I am too polite for that. (And don't tell me it's "smote"; I prefer smited. If you have a problem with that I'll smite you and force you to say you were smited when describing it to friends.)




All in all, however, Gretchen is not impressed. Work was not cancelled or even delayed, so I consider it an inadequate snowfall. Try to do better next time, Mother Nature, or you may be deposed by an unassuming looking yet powerful and vengeful ballerina.

Gretchen Says: An Indefinite Number of Commandments

If it's less than a mile away, walk.

I Receive My First Pilgrim

I received my first pilgrim. Miss Chief traveled from Pittsburgh, I'm pretty sure on her knees while uttering prayers the whole way, to spend the weekend. Unfortunately, there is no stream running through the Kingdom of the Heaven of Unit Six in which she could cleanse herself, except for the bathtub (which has jets, so it's pretty cool), but my presence is enough for healing, cleansing, etc.--all your basic spiritual and pilgrimage needs.

Although the Kingdom of the Heaven of Unit Six, as has been previously explained, does not exist in the mortal realm, if it did exist in the mortal realm it would be located in Washington, DC. I lead Miss Chief on a pilgrimage to the monuments that have been raised to me (and fine, perhaps some presidents as well).

I travel in style in a pleather mini-backpack.



Yeah, I know it's like eight years out of date but what can I do? My acolyte is hopeless.

First I dwarfed the Washington Monument with my stature and also with my beauty.



Then Miss Chief and I had a long heart to heart at the Monument with Lincoln in the background. I gave her advice on all aspects of her life. At the end of it she wept a little and vowed undying devotion. I believe her first act upon returning home to Pittsburgh was to erect a shrine to me in her home and illuminate it with an eternal flame that she will tend eternally.

Gretchen Says: An Indefinite Number of Commandments

Be nice to your waitperson and tip well.